To be the perfect mother...

As a parent, I want the teachers at Jordan' school to think that I have got it together. I want to look capable. I want to do it right. I want to remember exactly what needs to be turned into the school and when. I want to throw the best parties at the school. I want my kids to be on time with good food for lunch. If Jordan forgets something, I want to know that someone else's kid forgot something too. When Jordan is late, I ask, "does anyone else ever get to school later than you?"

For example, two weeks into Jordan's first day of kindergarten, when we got a letter from the teacher saying that attendance was actually mandatory and if our kid did miss school, we needed to send a letter explaining the absence, and that being tardy wasn't acceptable either, the first thing I did was look for signs of photocopying. Did they send this letter to everyone, or was it a personal message to the delinquent parents of Jordan who can't seem to get him to school on time even though the school is only two minutes away? Much to my relief I learned later that week that everyone got the letter, or atleast Nathan's parents got the letter too. Nathan is Jordan's best friend, though we figure the reason they are friends is because they were always the last ones to get to school - running down the hallway and squeeking into the classroom together just as the door slides shut and the pledge of allegiance starts... that is, when they don't have to stop outside on the breezeway to listen to the pledge of allegiance because they were too late to even make it into the building.

In hindsight, maybe it was just us and Nathan's parents that got the attendance letter. Just for the record though.. Jordan did manage to graduate kindergarten with only 19 of the allowed 20 absences. (I think Nathan had 16). See? Good for me. I didn't fail afterall.

What I am realizing as a now wise mom of a first grader, is that the teachers are really just ecstatic to have parents try at all. So try, I must. Perhaps I'll get it together one day, and perhaps not, but in the meantime, I will not beat myself up over it.

Here's Jordan and Nathan, the two on the outside, and another kid in the middle that I didn't really know, but who really wanted to be in the picture. I didn't have the heart to make him move.