Share a bathroom stall in a public restroom in a crowded mall with a 4 year old. After helping her use the bathroom, ask her not to open the door until you are finished yourself. Remind her twice to stand still and not even touch the lock, in case she bumps it open on accident. Trust her to be a typical four year old and open the stall door anyway... after you already have your pants down.
As the stall door swings open, quickly waddle forward, with your pants around your knees, and try to catch the bottom of the door so you can pull it closed. (Don't bother asking your 4 year old to help... she will be watching wide eyed, feet frozen to the floor, and will be totally useless when it comes to helping) Take small steps... you certainly don't want to fall over, (remember, your pants ARE around your knees). You may want to try hunching over. This will make you much slower, and slightly clumsy, but will at least make you look like you are making an effort at not exposing yourself. For ultimate mortification, time the opening of your stall door with the opening of the main door to the bathroom. That way, everyone in the mall can see you too.
Nothing says dignity like a duck waddling woman with her pants around her knees.
I wouldn't know or anything... I'm just sayin....
Monday, April 14, 2008
The fastest way to lose your dignity
