Someone please invent a solution.

I know I'm not the only person that has a toddler who gets dirty. Surely other two year olds eat suckers and play in the dirt and get peanut butter all over their hands. So please oh please someone tell me how to wash my kid's hands without squishing his innards or alternatively soaking his entire self in the kitchen sink.

Does anyone else have this problem? Less than two year old people have short arms... short little stubby arms, that while perfectly sized for their little stubby bodies, are wrong, wrong, wrong for every kitchen sink in every house in America. BUT sometimes hands have to be washed.... and in my house, it's a session of unintentional torture every single time.

You start out confident... you pick baby up, and lifting your knee up to give him something to sit on, lean him forward over the sink... Using one hand to pump out the soap you use the other to keep baby from squirming away. Things start to go south when, because you're brilliant, you use the hand full of soap to turn on the water, dumping the soap on to the back of the sink... You get soap again, then catch baby as he starts to slide off your leg... also with the hand full of soap. Third time's a charm and you finally get little hands soaped up... when your nose starts to itch, becoming so completely unbearable that you scratch your nose with the end of your pinkie nail. So now soap is all over the sink, all over baby's shirt, and all over your face. Excellent. Meanwhile, baby starts screaming because his small intestine has been pressed up against the counter for so long it is crawling inside his large intestine... you hastily rinse off his hands, soaking his entire shirt sleeves in the process. It hardly matters that you did, actually push his sleeves up. They fell down while you were soaping up the outside of his sweatshirt. Just as you are about to end the whole ordeal, you notice half the sandbox hiding under your kid's fingernails... you can't actually wash his hands and leave all that stuff under there, so shifting his weight to one side so that his liver and gall bladder get their own share of blunt force trauma, you try and scrape out the nastified crud from under his nails... you only manage two fingernails before the screaming is so unbearable, and your leg, still elevated to hold the kid up to the sink is trembling from the suddenly-feels-like-seventy-five-pounds balanced on your thigh... you end the torment, promising to get the rest of the dirt in the bathtub... tomorrow, or maybe the next day.

Maybe next time you decide pressed and pounded internal organs aren't worth it. So you sit your kid on the side of the sink, thinking it will be much easier this way. Except babies have short arms... remember? So when you pull his little arms in to the water, he falls in to the sink. Who really cares about clean hands? Let's just take a bath with our clothes on!

One day, all my kids will all be old enough to go in to the bathroom and wash hands alone and unassisted.

And I will rejoice.

Please, oh please someone tell me you can relate.