Don't you hate it when...

..you spend twenty minutes outside wandering around in the rain wondering why the dog hasn't pooped yet, only to come inside and find dog poop upstairs.

...you have to rewash a load of laundry TWICE because you keep forgetting to move it the dryer and you find it twelve hours later smelling like mildew. Twice. 

...the one day you decide not to shower and just hang around in your pajamas all day, three different people from church randomly show up at your house and most assuredly notice that you hair isn't washed and despite your best efforts to keep your arms folded across your chest, you're pretty sure they also notice you aren't wearing a bra.

...the one day you DO decide to take a shower, you get out only to realize you don't have a single pair of clean underwear in the entire house... except for the ones in the washing machine that you're going to have to wash again because they've been sitting so long they smell like mildew.

...you go to the grocery store to get ONLY bread and milk, and leave forty five minutes later with a hundred bucks worth of groceries you probably didn't need, and no milk. 

...you wait in the lobby of your doctor's office for two hours with a sick kid that you are sure has swine flu or the plague or appendicitis, only to see your child miraculously cured and totally void of any and all symptoms the second the doctor walks through the exam room door. 

...your house is for sale (no mine isn't, but I've sold other houses before and this happened ALL the time) and your realtor calls and asks if they can come and see your house in twenty minutes because the buyer really wants to see it and they think it will absolutely result in a sale if you can accommodate the short notice just this once... so you clean your house like mad for twenty minutes and lock your kids in the closet with a bag of Doritos and stand demurely on your front porch ready to receive the future occupants of your home, only to have the realtor call at the last minute and say they won't be coming after all. 

...you sit down to dinner and one of your kids looks at you and says, "Mommy, this is my WORST favorite dinner ever!!"

...the one time you actually leave for church on time, you get stuck in a construction zone, and still arrive to church at the beginning of the second verse of the opening hymn, just like you do every other Sunday.

...you search ALL afternoon for your car keys and go to bed convinced they are gone for good, only to find them the next morning hanging from the lock on the outside of your front door.

...you return your library books two days late, but because you had thirty books checked out you STILL have to sell your car to cover the late fees?

...the one time you leave the house without an extra set of batteries for your digital camera, your camera dies just as your child hits a home run/receives  preschool diploma/finally smiles without looking like he is smelling something funny.

...you are exhausted and tired and completely "touched out" by the many little hands and feet climbing over you all day, and your toddler refuses to go to sleep deciding instead to stand in his crib and see how hard he can hit you in the face when you lean in to kiss him good night.

...the weather is beautiful for three days while your kids are sick, then turns awful and rainy the first day they are feeling better.

...your life seems like one giant example of twisted irony?