Thoughts

Sometimes, I worry about my children so much, it hurts. It's a part of loving them, I think. This parenting gig brings about a weird marriage of emotions - love, fear, hope, desperation. It's odd to want so much life for my children - to want them to go and do and live and be extraordinary, while simultaneously hoping I can lock them in their rooms, protect them, keep them safe and forever close enough for me to kiss their cheeks whenever the impulse takes me. I imagine I'll feel differently when they're teenagers. At least about the cheek kissing part, yes? I mean, Ivy's chubby baby thighs go a long way to inspire kisses. Teenage scowls might not have the same effect. But the wanting to keep them safe part? I doubt that will ever go away - this constant blend of loving and fearing and hoping and praying.

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I think I want another dog. There is quite obviously a hole in the fabric of our family where Carmen used to be... but are we ready to fill it yet? I find myself thinking I ought to drive over to the humane society today, this very moment. But then, to love another dog means running the risk of losing another dog. It will have to be a careful decision - the right dog, the right time. Sigh. I miss her.

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I know my blog isn't the only one out there with numbers that fluctuate... followers and subscribers come and go, and such is the tide of life. Or of, you know, blogging. And really, I'm cool with that. I quite frequently go through my reader and shave off a few blogs here and there that have lost my interest or attention for one reason or another. Time spent on the computer is not time to be wasted, not with so many other things to do in life. So I'm choosy. We all should be,  I think. At the same time, when two or three readers all jump ship on the same day, it's hard not to think you must of blogged something wrong. It makes me wish for exit surveys or something...

"I'm leaving this blog because:

a. I have too many blogs in my reader.

b. I'm quitting the internet and moving to Siberia.

c. This blogger is a pompous ninny who made me mad when she said _____________________."

It could be helpful, yes? Or perhaps just very damaging.

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Have a happy weekend all. Wait, wait, before you go... any advice on the dog front? I can't do another puppy. Not with four kids and a still small and not yet vertical baby. I'd love to adopt, but worry about an older dog attaching to our family, being as loyal as I would love them to be. And there is always the issue of staying close to home. I live in the woods... not conducive to a fenced in yard, but quite possibly the happiest home ever for a dog that loves home enough to not wander off whenever the front door swings open. Thoughts? Suggestions? Gelato? (Yes. I am always thinking about gelato. Isn't everyone?)