Drug Store.
Consignment Store.
Post office.
It wasn't that daunting of a list. Three places to go. Four children in tow. Carry the baby. The other three can walk. Manageable. Completely manageable.
And mostly, it WAS manageable. They behaved as I dropped off some items to be sold at the consignment store. They stopped running when I asked them to stop. They didn't touch when I asked them not to touch. BUT... they did walk fast and they did almost touch and I did have to repeat myself a few times and there was just so many of them that it really did seem pretty chaotic... I was sure the store owner was grateful to see us go. But then, she followed me out to the car.
"Your children are so wonderful," she said. "They behaved so well."
I wondered if we were watching the same children.
At the post office, we waited in a particularly LONG line. A sweet couple from Mexico, no English between them, was struggling to mail two packages home. The postal worker tried most mightily to help them understand the necessary questions, while the rest of us, all fifteen people in line, waited (not so) patiently. My children were antsy. I held Ivy, because had I put her down, she surely would have headed to the greeting card display and dismantled the entire collection. Instead, I held her, squirming, and encouraged her to dismantle my wallet instead. Sam and Lucy and Henry danced in circles and tossed a penny about and made what I considered to be quite a ruckus. Finally, it was our turn. When I reached the counter, the postal worker thanked me for waiting so patiently, then said, "Your children did so well. I didn't even realize they were here."
Really? You didn't see the penny tossing and the twirling and the greeting card dismantling?
As I drove home, I thought about how my children had really behaved. All in all, they DID behave. They didn't act like grown ups, standing perfectly still without making any noise, but they did behave like normal children - children that naturally have shorter attention spans and less impulse control. It made me wonder how often mothers are unnecessarily hard on their kids for acting... well, for acting like children.
Obviously there are behaviors that shouldn't be tolerated. But we shouldn't expect our children to act like adults. Yes, I've seen children that are obviously out of control. But I've also seen kids getting scolded for things that appear innocently done, that do little to bother anyone but the mother. I hesitate to judge these circumstances. I do not know them fully, and may be making assumptions that are ill founded. But I still fear the consequences of unreasonable expectations placed upon our children. Children are loud. Children are impulsive. Children are blunt. Should they be tempered and instructed? Absolutely. God gave children parents for a reason. But being instructed and being unnecessarily scolded are different things. When children are ridiculed for doing things that feel so completely natural to their childlike self, I think it is confusing and unfair.
I could have, and nearly did scold my children in the post office today. I worried that those waiting around us in line were distracted, bothered by their presence. But in retrospect, what would I have scolded them for? Not standing perfectly still? They are children. And children are wonderfully energetic, perfectly entertaining little beings that I shouldn't be ashamed of taking into public. Is it right that I nearly worried more about the other people in line - strangers, even - than I did about them? I'm in this for my kids. I will not shirk my responsibility to teach them how to be responsible and respectful, but I will also be gentle and tolerant of their still developing skills. It's a bit cliche, but kids will be kids, yes?
