What I'm Good For

Today, I did not have an amazing conversation with someone about anything fantastic or extraordinary or groundbreaking. I didn't attend any meetings, or organize any events. I didn't sell anything, or publish anything. I wasn't given a bonus or promoted to a corner office with a view. I wasn't employee of the month. My mind wasn't stimulated by the complexities of life or an abstract, challenging problem.

But...

I did take 4 children to the doctor, three to get flu shots and one to learn that he has bronchitis, and a little bit of pneumonia in one lung. I did take all four children to the grocery store, where we dropped off a prescription, shopped for an hour, and then waited for an additional twenty minutes for the prescription to be ready. I managed to keep a baby, who hadn't eaten in far too many hours quiet enough that most of the looks I received from weary strangers in the store were of sympathy rather than condemnation. I orchestrated games of I Spy, and "I'm thinking of an animal" until my patience was stretched so thin, I was sure it would break. We came home, and I cooked dinner. I fed my family, I administered four different kinds of medication to one very sick little boy, I played a game of Monopoly, all the way to the end, because yesterday, in some fit of insanity I promised Jordan we could play Monopoly until someone won for real... real, honest to goodness bankruptcy (and I only cheated a little to get there). Then I put the kids to bed all by myself because Josh was out doing church visits. When I sat down at the end of the day, I didn't cry. I actually didn't feel like crying, because I did it. I managed. I didn't fall apart, even though I was SO close to loosing it on more than one occasion.

I do have bad days. Lots of them. Days where I call my sister twelve times because I don't know what the heck I'm doing and life is too overwhelming to try. So I look at today as a gift; an empowering, look what I can do, gift. I can do it. It is worth it.

THEY are worth it.

I may not receive the accolades of the world for making it through a day like today. But who really cares what the world thinks I'm worth if I know what I'm worth.

My sphere of influence may be small and my influence may be minimal, but it's my difference and my sphere. I feel good about that.