All grown up... or at least on his way

On tuesdays, Jordan frequently rides home with his good friend Nathan after school so they can go to cub scouts together on Tuesday evenings. This past week, I called Jordan at Nathan's house, to check in and see how his day went at school. It feels funny not to have any contact with him for so long, so I call. What mother wouldn't? Our conversation went like this:

Me: Hi! How was your day at school?

Him: Good.

Me: Did you take an Accelerated Reader test?

Him: Um, yeah. Hey, Mom? (Mom. Not Mommy. But, 'I'm cool, my friend is listening' MOM) I don't mind talking, but do you think you could call me back? I have some stuff to do, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

Me: Oh. Well, okay. I'll talk to you later then.

I think he might have said bye, as he quickly handed the phone back to Nathan's dad.

What?!! Was I just snubbed by my six year old for a little bit of personal relief and whatever his other "stuff" is? I wanted to scream, "NO! You hold it so you can talk to me, right now, because I haven't seen you all day and I NEED you to talk to me so that I can be happy... and as for that other stuff, you don't need any other stuff when you have a MOMMY! Did you catch that? Mommy. Not 'I'm all grown up' Mom!"

But I didn't. I was calm and cool and totally collected. And then I got off the phone, put my heart back in my chest, and told myself I was totally irrational for wanting to cry. When did my little boy get a life that didn't always include me? I'm thrilled for him, because growing up is really a good thing. I've been pondering what the sadness is about then. It's not as if I want him to remain small. I think it's because every day that he grows older and smarter; every day that he gains more experience and takes one more step in to the world, it's harder for me to guarantee his safety. It's necessary to make those steps. We can't lock our children inside until their grown. But that doesn't make it any less scary.

Jordan getting older has also given me the opportunity to get to know him in an entirely different light. Gone is the tediousness of caring for a small child. He can bath himself, feed himself, get himself dressed. Instead, I get to focus on loving and understanding his incredibly unique personality. It is so fun to identify all the things that he so obviously gets from Josh and I. And, at the same time, recognize the things that are totally randomly, wonderfully, Jordan only.