Have you really looked?

Mothering four children keeps me very busy. So much so, that some days I get to the end of the day and find that while I have been with my children all day, caring for them, feeding them, and taking them places, I haven't spent a lot of time actually looking at them. I don't mean looking to make sure they don't have snot running down their face, or pizza sauce on their shirt... I mean really looking in to their little eyes to see how they are doing on the inside. With so many, it's easy to look at them as a group and categorize their needs, then determining how best to take care of everything most efficiently. One on one interaction is most naturally limited when the ratio is actually one on four. It doesn't make that one on one interaction any less important though.

Yesterday I looked at the baby and thought he looked bigger than he did the day before. You know how that happens? Of course they are constantly growing, but some days, you just notice. I'm also reminded every single day how fleeting childhood really is when I see my almost seven year old come home from school and seem so much like a big boy and not so much like a little boy.

The last thing I want is, to look back, 20 years from now and feel like I missed out opportunities to really connect with my children. I know it sounds silly to think that I could spend all day with my kids and not connect... but really, it's absolutely possible. So I'm trying to focus more on taking the time every single day to make sure my kids know that I'm not just here in body, cooking, cleaning and transporting. I am here in heart and mind and there is no where else I would rather be. I'm going to really look at my kids and make sure they see me looking. I don't want to just see them grow up. I want THEM to KNOW that I am seeing them grow up... that I'm here, and totally invested. Sometimes that total investment is hard. There is, after all, so much drudgery that comes with the housework and the 24 hour care of an entire family. But it's my family. And they deserve it. So, I'm looking.