Big Bums and Fashion Statements.

A few months ago, I went on down to the big city and went to the mall with some friends. (Trust me. It's a big deal. My shopping options here in town include Walmart, Kmart and Cato. A mall is a VERY exciting place for me.) My goal was to buy a pair of blue jeans, so I went first to the Buckle, my very favorite purveyor of all things denim. One of the things I love the most about the Buckle is how helpful the sales people are.

On this particular trip, I arrived in the store, and this adorably cute little person comes over and asks if she can help. I tell her what I'm looking for, and express a few concerns about my shape and how difficult it generally is to find jeans that fit really well. It is really hard... because I have a small waist, and as the cute sales girl so aptly described, "We gotta find some jeans that'll fit your junk."

What? My junk?

OH!! You mean the junk in my trunk. Yes. Thank you so much for pointing out the fact that I have a difficult to fit rumpus... A derriere that is VERY there... a general air of gadonkidonkiness that even when I was a little skinny minny in high school, still warranted my cross country and swim teams making fun of me.

Really, I didn't find her forthrightness even the slightest bit insulting. Because it really IS hard to find jeans that uh, accommodate where I need the accommodation but still make the rest of me look half way decent as well. Oh those people at the Buckle know there stuff though. An entire army of them surrounded me, throwing blue jeans left and right, placing bets on which one of them would pick out the jeans that did the most for my curviness. It was a group effort. Who knew that so many could have an opinion about whether or not back flaps actually do good or bad things to excessive rear rotundness.

So I found some jeans. I love them. The end.

Except, blue jeans aren't really what I wanted to talk about today. See, what I really need are some new dresses or skirts to wear to church on Sundays. It's been a while since I've worked anything new into the rotation. You know those people that never seem to wear the same thing? (Uh, Inkmom) I'm not like that. Even a little bit. I have maybe three or four things that I just cycle through. But the rotation is tired. I need something new.

Sheesh, if I thought shopping for blue jeans was hard! Have you looked lately? I think there is more fabric on my pillow case than is generally used to make dresses these days.

How about this one?



You know, in case I need to blow my nose or something. It was listed under dresses for work. Really? WHERE do you work in that thing?

Seriously. All I want is a dress that has sleeves, and enough fabric to actually cover my glowing white thighs and chubby knees. Is that too much to ask?! Is there no mercy in the fashion world?

I did a little bit of googling to find modest dresses. I know there are websites out there and thought I'd try my luck at finding one. On the second listing, I found a series of dresses that all look like this, in various patterns and shades:



So, if I'm not comfortable wearing a kleenex to church, I can wear a gaint seashore jumper.

Fantastic.