Sam? He has a way with words. His gift of expression often leaves me shaking my head, wondering how on earth he comes up with what comes out of his mouth. And it isn't just word choice. His delivery is pretty impressive too. He is persuasive, he is charming, he is witty.
And he KNOWS it.
Just the other day, Sam came home from school with a new toy that I'd never seen before. When asked where it came from, he said he traded for it.
"What did you trade?" I asked.
"Pokemon cards," he replied.
Where did he get the cards?
"Another friend just gave them to me," he said.
I don't doubt that his friend gave him the cards, and I don't doubt that another friend willingly traded the toy. See, I know Sam, and I know his ability to say things in just the right way. He really is very convincing and has a way of getting the things he wants. Sometimes I wonder if the other kids even know what's happened.
I will never forget last year, when Sam's kindergarten teacher called to tell me a story about Sam eating a little girl's Twinkie during snack time. When the teacher approached the snack table, there was Sam happily enjoying the treat, while Bailey sat beside him, tears streaming down her face. When the teacher asked why Sam was eating her Twinkie, Bailey responded, "Because I gave it to him!"
Obviously, the challenge that Josh and I face as parents is to teach Sam to use his ability to communicate for good. Persuade for good, convince for good, and not just his own good either. At the end of every conversation, I told Sam, he needs to think about how kids are going to feel after he walks away. When the dust settles behind his words, will kids still feel good about things they've traded/given away/agreed to? Think about others first, I said.
I hope it's a lesson that sticks.
(hard to resist, huh?)
Edited to add a few more details:
After publishing early this morning, I had a conversation with the principal from Sam's elementary school. Sam had gotten in trouble, he said, for getting into a fight with several other boys on the playground. It wasn't anything malicious, just boys playing a little too rough that escalated a bit further than it should have. The boys at fault were lined up and confronted, and this, the principal said, is when the excuses started to fly.
At this point in our conversation, I was bracing myself against what might come next. I'm not very well versed in conversations with principals about behavior problems. Lucy would rather have a root canal than disappoint her teacher by being disruptive, and the only time Jordan has ever gotten in trouble, he was so distraught I had to pick him up from school early. So, you know, this is sort of foreign territory for me.
And then I realized what the principal was telling me. He was praising Sam, commending him for his honesty and his willingness to own up to his actions. "It wasn't an accident," he told the principal. "I did it on purpose." The principal then told me that you just don't see that sort of thing in first graders very often and he was really proud of Sam.
So let me get this straight. Sam gets in fight. Sam talks to principal. Principal talks to Mom and tells her Sam smells like roses.
I don't know how the kid does it.
It makes me glad that at the core, Sam has such a good heart. Cunning though he may be, he really does want to be a good boy. Oh, how I hope he always stays that way.
PS. Um, does my blog have something stuck in it's teeth? Where the heck is everybody?
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This post sponsored by The Vintage Pearl, maker of lovely jewelry and supporter of Rising Star Outreach and my sweet friend Karl.
