Joyful Mothering Series: Guest Post #2

I'm so happy to introduce to you our next guest poster in the Joyful Mothering Series, my lovely friend Tricia. I've known Tricia long enough to love and admire her family and know that when it comes to mothering joyfully, she is an excellent resource and a powerful example. Thanks for contributing Tricia! You can read Tricia's personal blog here: Our Home Made Happy

I feel so honored that Jenny has invited me to visit you here today and write about Joyful Mothering. I hope that something I say today will help you in your quest for joy as a mother!

It has been many years since I learned that the joyful part of mothering doesn’t always knock at my door and anxiously invite itself in. This profound realization may have come when the first bout of morning sickness hit. Or when my baby caught his first cold, along with a nasty, cry-all-night earache. Or perhaps when my busy, independent 2 year old learned the power of the word “no.” 

My idealistic notions of motherhood seemed to fade into oblivion, as I tried to embrace the life full of tasks and duties that seemed so oppressive and never-ending. Wrangling four kids under the age of five in the grocery check-out line, I was frequently offered that cliche piece of advice by older, calmer women, “Honey, enjoy them while they’re young…they grow up too fast, and then they’re gone.” I’d smile, and reply to myself silently (most of the time) that I had no time to think about them growing up and leaving, I was too busy trying to survive another day, and make it to bedtime!

I have learned a few things since those busy days of grocery-store-with-toddler-torture.  I have learned how to make motherhood joyful for me.  Moms often ask me, "how do you have time to sew and knit and read and do projects with six kids?  I can hardly keep up on the laundry and dishes!"  I tell you that it is through making time to do things that I love and to work on things that make me better, that I find energy to do more of the work in my home.  I don't always keep up with laundry and dishes, or follow through with disciplining a child as I should...but I do better at mothering and homemaking, and find more joy in doing so, as I regularly fill myself with inspiration and energy by making time to nurture and build myself.  Put simply, I make a better home for my family when I am a better person.

I don’t buy into the philosophy that mothers should better themselves at the risk of neglecting their children.  On the contrary, I believe that mothers should work on their hobbies and talents with their children, improving themselves, and bringing their children along in the journey.

In those early days of mothering, I began searching for things that would give me energy and excitement.  I was determined to squeeze these things into my already full life, so that I could feel joy.  And be a better person.  Because I knew that the better I was, the better my children would be.  Here are four things I did to bring joy to my mothering:


1) I began to read.  There is so much wisdom to be gobbled up by exposure to great books!  I delved into classic literature.  I felt inspired by the stories and great characters I discovered.  I found a passion for history.  And couldn’t wait for a few minutes, scattered as they may have been, to open a book again and feel inspired.  I continued to read my central classic, the books of sacred scripture that I had loved since my childhood.  These books of literature opened up my mind and soul to new ideas and a breadth and depth of thought I had never experienced.  I even enrolled in an online political economy class, and pushed myself to study and write papers about some of the most important documents in history.  As I read, the kids followed.  They learned to love reading too.  And we began reading classics together.  Since that time, my love for reading great books has been a regular part of my days, and has inspired me in so many facets of my motherhood. 


2) I acquired hobbies.  I learned to sew.  And to knit.  And to paint walls and refinish furniture, in order to make my home look and feel beautiful to me.  I researched real foods and learned to bake and cook healthy, delicious meals for my family.  These hobbies began to give me great joy and pleasure.  They are the arts of homemaking.  And I found ways to learn and love them, and incorporate them into my days.  I had to work hard to make time for these new creative outlets, but it was so worth the rush of excitement they gave me. 

While I changed diapers or cleaned up messes around the house, my mind spun in circles with ideas about what to create next.  I imagined all sorts of results…a new style of dress to sew for my girls; or a newly arranged corner of my home, organized to perfection; or a beautifully set dinner table with glowing candles and freshly baked bread.  These creative thoughts made the work speed by, and even on the full days (or weeks) when I didn’t get to attempt any of those ideas, my busy heart thrilled at the thought of getting to try them soon.


3) I got organized.  This one did not come naturally to me.  And it still doesn’t.  I have to work really hard at it.  But as I learned to organize my life, I felt more freedom and joy. 

I organized my home.  I simplified and de-cluttered.  I gave away the toys that were so often strewn wall-to-wall over the floors, and kept a few good, classic toys, such as wooden blocks, Legos, dolls, and a play kitchen set.  Less stuff to manage meant more time to spend growing and learning together as a family.  Instead of playing with toys all day, my kids learned to love being outdoors.  And to make their own toys and games out of craft supplies, household items, or rocks and sticks.  I gave each room of the house a specific purpose, and each item in the house a specific place.

I organized my schedule.  I used a calendar and wrote everything down.  I planned ahead.  I knew what to expect from each day, and had a list of things to accomplish.  I tried to prioritize, putting “first things first.”  I established personal and family routines.  This helped us all to feel a comforting rhythm and flow in our home.  And on the days when the to-do lists flew out the window, we still had a sense of direction and fulfillment because of our family routine.

4) I learned to rely on God for his divine help.  This one is key.  Nothing else I have learned matters without it.  I know that these children in my home are God’s children too.  And that he trusts me to aid them in their journey through mortality.  He loves them too much to leave me alone in their nurturing and teaching.  As I rely on him, he will make me into the mother my children need me to be.  And joy will come as I become who he wants me to be.

When I really listen for his guidance, I hear something like this resonate in my soul:

“You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you—He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.”  ((Jeffrey R. Holland, Because She Is A Mother)

 Today, with six children, the eldest of whom is handsomely freckled, taller than I, and fourteen years old, I tell you that I truly feel joy in my mothering.  The feelings of contentment and fulfillment ebb and flow, along with a wide array of other emotions.  But I can honestly say that the underlying joy is a constant.  And I know where to look when I want to find it and bring it to the forefront.  It is not always easy.  In fact, it is a continual challenge to balance the disappointment and despair with faith and courage.  But I find it an interesting and exciting challenge. 

Photo Credit: Images by Jami

Motherhood may not be the rosy path I had imagined when I embarked on this journey, complete with ever-clean little feet tiptoeing about, scurrying to obey my every word.  But it is more to me.  It is no pre-determined picture of perfection, but an organic path that makes me stronger as I trod its hills and valleys.  Its rigour requires sacrifices that refine my soul and transform me.  Its inclines are hard to traverse.  Its descents can be disheartening.  But as I reach each new peak, I look around me and see that I have ascended higher than at the last.  I see myself becoming a better person and a better influence on those I mother.  And in becoming better, I feel real joy.