Empowering vs. Enabling

Last night Jordan had a bit of a homework crisis. After a busy afternoon and dinner out, it was after 8 PM before he was able to sit down and start his work. I don't generally like for it to be put off that long, but meh. Life happens. So he sat down to do homework and I sat down to fold laundry and all was right with the world. Except then Jordan realized that two of the notebooks he needed to complete his homework were still at school. And also there was a form that I had to sign by the following morning that was also still in his locker.

Grrrr.

I admit. I was a little annoyed. Jordan is a 6th grader. He doesn't have THAT much stuff to remember, does he? (Maybe he does?) Sixth grade is a big year. He's got a planner and a locker and is old enough now that teachers don't really hold his hand when it comes to making sure he's got what he needs when he needs it. As I sat there looking at his distressed face, I knew I could make a lesson of the moment, insisting that he would simply have to suffer the consequences from his teachers the following day.

And then I thought of my own Momma. I thought of the times she'd brought the lunch I'd forgotten to the high school, or retrieved the folder I'd left in the back of the van and brought it just in time for me to turn in my senior research paper. I remember her staying up late to help with papers and projects. I remember her driving and driving and driving some more to get her kids where they needed to be and help them do what they needed to do. My Mom? She always had my back.

That's not to say she didn't encourage and insist that I stand on my own two feet. She did, and I learned. But I knew that she was there to help me succeed. You know, Jordan's a pretty spectacular kid. He's a kid that helps with his siblings and helps with the yard and keeps his room clean. He's a kid that is sensitive and kind and so very good in so many ways. He's a kid that deserves to succeed.

It took a little bit of creativity to get his home work assignments complete. A generous friend texted us pictures of the math assignment Jordan had left at school (you gotta love modern technology!) and he stayed up extra late to retype the Memoir he'd been working on (and left at school) for language arts. Finally, I agreed to make an extra trip to the school the following morning, sending the smaller kids to school with their Dad, so we had enough time for him to grab the form from his locker and bring out for me to sign before school.

You know what? I don't want to be a helicopter parent. I don't want to swoop in and take control and deprive my children of the opportunity to grow and learn about truth and consequence and the realities of life and the necessity of being responsible. I had a conversation with Jordan that said as much and told him that if he continues to forget his homework, I won't be so willing to help. He DOES need to take care of things on his own and I know I CAN'T always rush to the rescue.

But I also know that at 11 years old, it's not fair to expect Jordan to be perfectly responsible all of the time. He's still learning, still working on thinking about the important things without being distracted by the not so important things. That doesn't mean I should be doing his homework for him. (duh.) But I DO want him to know that I got his back. I want him to succeed and I want him to know that, to trust that I'm in this game for him, with him, every step of the way. I want to empower him, without enabling him.

I fear as he gets older that's going to be much easier said than done. How do we know as parents when to be involved and when to step back? Because surely sometimes the stepping back is what gives our children the opportunity to grow, yes? I'd love to know your thoughts on the subject, most especially if you're in the "I've already raised my teenagers crowd."