Inkmom and I are exactly 4 years, 4 months and 4 days apart. I'm younger. And nicer. (She told me to say that... because really, being the nice one, I'd never say that on my own.)
When we were younger, people often asked if we were twins. This was a little galling, especially for Inkmom, the older sister. We used to spend inordinate amounts of time staring at our faces, smushed together in the hallway mirror, trying to find the so-called similarities. Feature by feature, it's all different.
But the overall impression is pretty much the same.
We live in the same stake -- My sister lives within the bounds of the very same ward our parents have attended since before I was born. I'm in a different branch, on the opposite end of our stake boundaries, but there is still frequent confusion, especially for those who only know one or both of us in passing. One particular member of our stake presidency never fails to get it wrong, even when one of us is pregnant.
Since we are both attending the event of all events this weekend, the Casual Blogger Conference in Sandy, Utah, some of you lucky ducks may have the distinct privilege of meeting both of us at the same time. To prevent any possible confusion, we're providing a primer. So study up -- we expect you to get it right 100% of the time. Here's how:
1. InkMom has curly hair. MommyJ has hair that can be worn curly but doesn't look near as good as her sisters. This is why I will be wearing my hair straight the entire time I am at the conference. I got it cut recently, so now it's chin length. While I could work the casually curly look when it was longer, when I try it now, I look a lot like Mufasa.
2. Inkmom's baby is older, with red auburn hair. (Inkmom made me change it to auburn... but really, she's grasping at straws. She so desperately wants to have a kid that looks like her, but seriously. The baby is a redhead. Just like her daddy.) MommyJ's baby is younger, has darker hair and spends most of her time eating. Please oh, please forgive me if I have to nurse... during the class in which I'm speaking. I'm pretty sure that might break some speaker agreement I've recently signed, but what's a Mother to do?
Lucy isn’t coming with me to the conference. Still cute though, isn’t she?3. Inkmom is older. Unfortunately, you can't really tell by looking at us, unless you look at our shoes. Every time Inkmom buys shoes, she's taken over by our dead grandmother who influences every single purchase she makes. Good thing Grandma was a sassy woman with excellent taste, even if a bit old fashioned.
4. Lets talk undergarments shall we? While Inkmom needs an industrial strength, steel reinforced wonder of modern engineering to corral her curves, MommyJ does just fine spending nine dollars at Target. We’re convinced the incredible difference in our uh, size must have to do with our Mother craving Big Mac’s the entire time she was pregnant with Inkmom, passing along extraordinary amounts of Bovine Growth Hormone in utero. But did I get any of that hormone? NOT. AT. ALL. On the other hand, I do require a bit of special engineering in the blue jean department... for my very there derriere.
5. Inkmom is brilliant in a walking dictionary, can I do your calculus for you kind of way. MommyJ frequently misuses big words and is glad her sister is around to make fun of her, and then teach her how to say it the right way. Don't get me wrong... I really do love my sister for her smarts. And I'm pretty sure she still loves me even if my eyes do glaze over when she talks about fractals.
6. Inkmom has an ego the size of Texas, and a mouth to match. (She made me say this too. I'm the nice one, remember?) MommyJ just has a big mouth.
To summarize, Inkmom is the big sister in pretty much every sense of the word... bigger hair, bigger baby, bigger boobs, bigger vocabulary, bigger ego. And yet, she's still smaller than me. I'm taller,and well, if you see us from behind... yeah. You'll know which one is me.
