The first morning of summer vacation, I relished the opportunity to sleep in a little bit. I pulled the baby into bed with me, and quite happily left the older children to their own devices. I have kids old enough, and more than capable enough to fix themselves and their younger siblings a bowl of cereal. And really, the baby needed to nurse anyway. Was it a crime for him to do so while his mother lounged lazily in her bed, soaking up a few extra minutes of sleep?
The aftermath in my living room nearly convinced me it WAS a crime. When I finally ventured out to see what my older children were up to, the main living areas of my house looked like a disaster zone. Blankets and pillows were scattered all over the living room floor, well decorated with half eaten pieces of toast, and overturned cups of dry cereal. Milk was spilled on the counter. Gold fish were scattered under the bar stools. Fruit roll up wrappers and Popsicle sticks were everywhere. The children (obviously VERY well fed) were divided between two screens. Two were playing the Wii, and the other three were gathered around the computer. Their eyes were large, and a little glazed, a little red around the edges.
And it wasn't yet 10 AM.
Clearly, when left to their own devices, my children indulge just like I do. Except where I indulge in extra sleep, they indulge by eating like pigs, behaving like slobs, and plugging themselves into seemingly endless streams of electronic entertainment. It only took a couple of minutes, and a few well spoken words from their Mamma for the kids to snap into shape. They worked to straighten up the living room and put their breakfast dishes in the sink. They got dressed and picked up their rooms. That was all well and good, but before an hour had even passed, they had resumed their customary positions behind the flickering lights of the computer and the Wii.
Sigh.
We have pretty standard rules about electronic entertainment during the school year. For the most part, it's weekends only, for a set amount of time, and only after chores and other responsibilities have been completed. But apparently all rules fly out the window when it's summer time. Or so the children thought. And really, I think it should be different in the summer time. I want the kids to have a little more flexibility, to relax and have some fun without the constraints of homework and busy schedules. But I don't want them to turn into hyper-stimulated vegetables that live for computer games and meaningless entertainment. Without a little bit of summer structure, that's exactly what would happen. And so we regrouped. I pulled my kids around me and we came up with a plan.
We made a list of daily and weekly chores. We set some ground rules about when electronic devices may be used (never before 1 PM) and what things have to be done beforehand, no matter what time of the day it is (music practice, outside play, chores). We had a specific conversation about the need for self improvement, of the benefits that come from activities designed to make us smarter, better, more productive versus those that make our brains rot and turn to mush. And of course, we discussed the consequences that occur when the children don't follow the rules.
I hope we've found a balance that is going to work for all of us. I'll admit, at times I think about summer at home with six kids and all I want to do is cry. I get overwhelmed thinking about going anywhere with all six, but I get even more overwhelmed thinking about staying home with all six. There's a part of me that knows some days might be easier if I simply plugged them in. Throw them some food every couple of hours, and look at that! An entire day passes by in a blink.
I remind myself that keeping a child alive, safe and fed isn't the same thing as mothering. My responsibility is not just to the physical maintenance of my children, but to their spiritual, emotional and intellectual welfare. It is my job to teach them to be responsible. It is my job to teach them to be kind and respectful. It is my job to teach them to cultivate their talents and enjoy the incredible world that we live in. It's a challenge to do so when the world is so full of distraction, so full of things that can mindlessly entertain and waste hours, even days of time. A challenge, yes; but also a privilege.
How do you maintain balance at your house during the summer?
*One of our house rules is no tattling. Unless someone is bleeding, missing or has an obvious broken bone, I don't want to hear about it. To diminish tattling, we have a clipboard where the kids can write down their complaint. For example, a few entries from past complaint boards:
- Jordan insulted me for not brushing my teeth. (Lucy)
- Sam read his book until 9:20. (Jordan)
- Henry wouldn't stop saying "stupid tiger". (Sam)
The longer we've had the complaint board, the fewer complaints have been filed. The kids are finally realizing that if it's not important enough for them to write down, it's not actually important enough for them to say to me. When they approach, their faces full of indignation and spite, I simply say, "Go write it down." Most of the time, they don't, and then I know whatever it was wasn't actually all that important. The goal is to sit down once a week and read back over the complaints, addressing any that are serious enough to warrant a punishment. As you can see from the examples above, they generally aren't.
(Also, winner of the 16x20 Canvas Print from Easy Canvas Prints was Melissa M. Congrats, Melissa!)
